As soon as the money has passed from the customers’ hand and placed into the till I became her guardian – A human has claimed me and it is my job to protect her. I am like a shield; blocking any harm to her as I bear the brunt of the attack from evil thoughts through the night. I may be delicate on the outside, handcrafted from material that should be handled with care, but my soul is strong. As long as she is joyful when she wakes up I have completed my task successfully.
The nights that her head is invaded with dreams of far off lands she aspires to travel to and the adventures that take place there are thrilling! I am with her on the Great Wall of China, we are conversing with animals in the Amazon Rainforest, she is meeting her Prince Charming in her own whimsical world created from pure imagination. These thoughts are the only ones I want her to experience; the only ones I allow her to ever know about and that is why my job is important.
There is always an anxiety within me.
I fear for the nights I must exit from the world I love most spending time with her and enter hell alone. Every person has dark thoughts and my job is to watch them play out. The nightmare becomes intertwined in my web that only allows pleasant thoughts through into her sleep. As she has grown older the nights have become so much darker. In the beginning I simply had to deal with her teacher or parent giving her into trouble as she replayed events from the day in her head, maybe she gave them horns and a tail to look like the devil, but these nights were always controllable. Now I feel myself drowning in the sea, I feel the burning when she steps too close to the bonfire at a party she is at, fear fills me as a man is following her after drinking too much at the club; her friends are nowhere to be seen. I experience loss over and over as she watches the death of someone she once knew being replayed. I see the same face going round and round in my head and I do not know who he is, but he is always there, he will not leave. And I just know he causes her excruciating pain that she and I both cannot bear. She is always in the nightmare alongside me but she enjoys the dream undisturbed, lying on the same beach as I am drowning. I weep but she cannot hear me.
But there are times when the pain is most intense when she is awake. The belief was once real but now I am just a myth to her, a fantasy created centuries ago. And my heart aches as her childhood innocence is vacating her body and I am now a mere additional decoration within her room; but I will always continue to be her protector.